Checking In

Let's see, my last post was written about 3 years and 9 months ago, which is about 1.5 years into my first job, and a year before my second job. 

Well, great news is I've now worked longer at my 2nd job than my 1st job and I don't have the urge to leave. Yet.

Oh, there's also a pandemic that has been going on for more than 2 years. As a result, I've been working from home since 500 days ago. 

I guess things are not bad, given the circumstances, but it could be better? 

What's next? What does Maslow say? 

Facing/escaping reality

How do you fix something when the tools you have to fix that thing is broken in the first place? Or that the only thing you can use to fix is the thing itself? How are things gonna get better if nothing's being fixed ... ?

26th

Just realised the past 3 months' posts are all written on the 26th.

Gotta remind myself to focus on more important things ... despite the fact that what's important is really just a social construct. Gotta strike that balance somewhere. Gotta have a clearer vision of what I want to achieve instead of having too much fun.

Fixed layout

Well, rather minimalistic now.

Putting together Ikea products is like Lego for adults. Hit me up if you need someone to assemble some Ikea furniture ...

Oh shit

My layout needs fixing :/

Why bother?

Wanted to write about uninspiring thoughts again but decided against that.

I think I've been to karaokes for 6 out of the past 8 weeks, lol.

Anyway, my new obsession is sodagreen (蘇打綠).

If anyone could teach me how to sing with vibrato (抖音), that would be great.

Stuff I do in my free time

Guess this post would be rather relevant to my tacky blog name, lol.

I cook, though not very often. I recently made carbonara with guanciale and no cream, just eggs. Good for you if you know why I specifically mentioned that.

I bake, slightly more often than I cook. I'm not a super huge fan of sweet desserts but making them is quite fun. Feels great too when people say how awesome your cakes taste!

I solve Rubik's cubes. Nothing particularly impressive for a pro but rather impressive to someone who has never bothered figuring out how to solve one. I'd say my average speed right now would be 40 seconds. Haven't bothered improving for years.

I play minesweeper. That's just something I do to keep my hands occupied when I'm listening to something on my computer. Not particularly hard once you get the hang of it, but people who don't know the rules are often quite impressed?

I play video games, though I haven't touched one since ... before I started working. I binge games like nobody's business, hence I haven't had the opportunity to play then. Final Fantasy X is still my favourite. Tomb Raider 2013 was one of the most fun games I've played recently.

I'm rather choosy when it comes to films. Wouldn't call myself a film buff, but I'm definitely in the higher percentile in terms of number of IMDb top 250 movies watched. Slightly higher.

I'm choosy with TV shows too. Better Call Saul is the only thing I'm currently following. Used to love Friends but I think The Office (US) has taken the top spot for favourite sitcom.

I'm choosy with books too since I don't read that much. I'd either read something from a "top 100 fiction of all time" list or something from my favourite contemporary novelists like Khaled Hosseini or Kazuo Ishiguro. Darren Shan's vampire saga is the Harry Potter of my childhood.

I listen to podcasts on my way to work. Makes you feel like you're utilising your commute time but you're probably not, heh.

I frequent karaokes. I sing stuff from Jacky Cheung to Ed Sheeran. One of my favourite past times, maybe, heh.

I play Stepmania (DDR) on a dance mat. Been playing for months now. It's my only form of exercise, really, but it makes me sweat buckets.

I guess I play a lot of Pokemon GO too, lol. Level 35 and still going strong (sort of).

What else should I do?

Updates:

I've been doing French on Duolingo. Completed everything and now on my 389. Can't construct sentence, but I can recognise some words, heh. Waste of time? Probably.

I write reviews on TripAdvisor too.

Acquaintances

Bumped into an acquaintance after watching Get Out (great movie btw), but I don't think he could recognise me, unless he diligently follows my not-so-active Facebook. Didn't bother going up to say hi to him too, since we weren't that close anyway. Going through all the 'oh you look so different' gets old pretty quick too.

Back home, I looked him up on Facebook (we were already friends). To my surprise, he seems to have removed his religious belief from his profile. We used to attend church together and he was one of the more gung-ho ones. I don't think any fairly religious Christians that are active on Facebook will miss the opportunity to declare their faith. 

Interesting how much you can gather from social media profiles. Feels kinda invasive, but then again they decided to post everything and no one has to know how much I can dig ... 

A Year in Review

Well, not exactly a year, but since today was sort of a ... turning point, I guess there's no better time to do this.

So I've been working for almost a year now. Today, my bosses came over and announced our bonuses, among other stuff. It wasn't a huge amount or anything, but it was definitely on the positive side. People like me (read: low self-esteem) thrive on positive feedback.

Despite feeling inadequate, I guess it's reassuring to know that I've performed well in the eyes of my bosses. I have to keep reminding myself that no one's out there telling me lies to boost my self-esteem, especially since money is involved. It's probably good too since I know that there's a tonne of room to improve.

Did I also mention I leveraged on something to increase my current ... circumstance? That's good news too. Then again, more pressure to prove that I'm worth my compensation.

Well, all in all, not too bad. Let's hope things are better in the next review.

Pros and cons

Pros of staying:

• Potential good leadership
• Rather relaxed work environment (to a certain extent?)
• Less change, less adapting
• Great exposure, working on something that was previously done by a lead consultant

Cons of staying:

• Misery
• Not enjoying what I'm doing
• Not exactly where I see myself growing towards in the future
• Lack the perspective 

Pros of leaving:

• Exciting new opportunity
• Testing out the waters of something I would potentially enjoy doing
• Experiencing a different work environment

Cons of leaving:

• Might be too much for me
• Could also be a step down from what I'm doing
• Rather 'on-my-own' at the end of the day
• Growth uncertainty

... work in progress 

Feeling like a kid again

Remember how when you were 7, you'd look up to the 12-year-old kids in school, wishing you'd be as cool as them? They seem to know so much more, exuding confidence from having spent years at school. Then you'd get to be them for a short time, and the cycle repeats itself when you arrive at secondary school. 

At least that cycle was 5-6 years. The new one lasts for decades. 

Talking about work with peers and talking about work with older colleagues have been vastly different experiences for me. Can't shake the feeling that I'm extremely infantile when compared to people that have been working for several years. I just need to accept the fact that it's really not a fair comparison and try to steer things for myself towards the right direction.

Time to regain control again.

24

I'm not gonna lie, it feels kinda nice to have people you care about, care about you.

It's a nice excuse for friends that have drifted away to pop by and say hi;
It's a nice opportunity to score some free meals off your friends;
It's a nice reminder that I've lived through 2 cycles of my Chinese zodiac;

Still fairly young, I'd say. Everything's not too bad, although I may whine and complain a lot. Let's hope exciting times are ahead, waiting for me.

Rest In Peace, George Michael

I don't exactly listen to a lot of George Michael, but I really, really, really, really like his version of Elton John's Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me.

Literally just a few days ago I was playing this on repeat. My housemates and I back in the university used to play "Careless Whisper" when we were just mucking about, crowning it as our house anthem. Interesting how powerful music can be. 

Excuse me while I go and play this a few more times to distract myself.

* * *

It's depressing to know that there are some musical performances that I will never be able to experience. Off the top of my head ...

• Phantom of the Opera, 50th anniversary with Ramin Karimloo as the Phantom
• Snow.Wolf.Lake (雪狼湖), a musical by Jacky Cheung that isn't even caught on tape ...
• OneRepublic's concert back in the Dreaming Out Loud era
• Elton John in the 90's
• The performance above ...

Sigh

Lessons from my first bake sale

So my office had a charity food sale recently. Every department had to contribute something because this was an initiative from the regional office.

I know, not exactly in the spirit of charity.

Unsurprisingly, I represented my department, knowing that the two other guys in my department (yes, our department consisted of only 3 guys) wouldn't participate in such a thing.

I decided to bake.

Over the weekend, I baked 24 red velvet cupcakes and 18 blueberry muffins. The equally tough part was transporting 40 of them from home to the office via public transport. The cost in itself amounted to about RM80.

So I handed my babies over to the other members of my office to be sold since I had work to do, a little worried that my RM20 box of 4 will not sell well since it was placed alongside donuts and biscuits priced from RM2-5. Heck, even I wouldn't buy them.

The initial plan was to sell them at RM6 each, but since the box I had could fit four and it didn't seem like a good idea to unpack all of them and display it on a platter, I decided to just wing it and sell them for RM20.

To my surprised and delight, they sold out! Just this morning, someone told me that my baked goods sold out before they started selling the other stuff at half-price. Another person told me people were asking if they were made with butter and other random questions. I really wish I was there to tell them that I did not skimp in ingredients. Heck, the blueberry muffins were chock-full of blueberries, and not one of those pathetic ones with a swirl of blueberry jam on its surface.


Note to self:

1. Add a note on the box with words like 'homemade', 'quality ingredients', 'full of blueberries' etc. Could do with more description.
2. Add contact method so people can come back and tell me if they were good! 

I'm still a little sceptical that people paid RM20 for a box. Better not think too much about it. 

selfish

Been kinda annoyed with a certain someone lately.

When a group of us goes out, he'd always be the one to suggest a later time to meet up after everyone else has decided upon a certain time because he has to shower or something.

When we all end up going out, the spends the whole night talking about his own problems.

When we decide on a place to eat, he'd always complain that it's too expensive because he has a girlfriend to pay for, when it isn't even that expensive nor is the girlfriend issue our problem. Also, it was someone else's birthday.

Why do I play with my phone when we're out? Well, because the conversation is no fun to be in.

Procrastination pt 2

I watched The Man Who Knew Infinity earlier today. I'm a sucker for biopics/dramas with a quaint British backdrop (e.g. The Imitation Game, The Theory of Everything, Mr. Holmes, Remains of the Day, Pride and Prejudice ... you get my point).

It was a movie about a mathematician by the name of Srinivasa Ramanujan.

As much as I secretly wish I was some prodigious whiz kid, I am very much aware that I am not. I admire these people for who they are, yet I do not aspire to be them. However, I do wish I could have the amount of passion they have, which I'm beginning to realise that it's probably not something that everyone has, despite popular belief.

I just can't shake the fact that what I'm doing right now just isn't particularly exciting. It's okay, but it isn't enough. Maybe I've been reading too many books and watching too many movies that romanticise this notion of having this one thing that makes it all purposeful; maybe it's just my attitude towards things that make me not feel strongly about things. Shouldn't these things be inherent and immune towards shitty attitudes that might otherwise diminish it?

I find a life where one works for the sake of survival utterly meaningless, but that's just me. I admire those that find a purpose in other things, like raising a kid or supporting a hobby, but I have yet to find that thing. While I'm not suicidal, I'm kinda miserable. Occupying my time by working and socialising only temporarily makes me forget such feelings.

I've been working for 5 months now, and I'm grateful that it is probably one of the better jobs that I could've gotten as a fresh grad, also I have no financial worries, but it's just so ... meh. Don't get me wrong, the job is still very much challenging, but something seems to be missing.

This is going no where. I should just go to bed.

Just checking in

Gotta keep my streak of posting monthly.

Also, procrastination is always fun.

Speaking of procrastination, there's a pretty neat video on that topic on a YouTube channel called The School of Life.

I feel like this procrastination is eating into my free time and subsequently my general well-being. Working on normal business-as-usual stuff is fine because that's done when it's done; working on certain projects akin to school assignments can be quite draining for me. But it's the latter stuff that's "value-adding" and would lead to better things.

It irks me that some people give so much credit to "value-adding" stuff. I guess I've always been the guy that plays the supportive role—though to be fair, I guess I've never been in much team activities—and have never really aspired to become the lead singer of the band. Is that so bad?

I don't want to be the most successful guy in the room, I just want to be happy with my own achievements.

Gah, I don't really know what I'm talking about here. My mind is not in the right place.

"So no one told you life was gonna be this way"

Riding the wave

Just waiting for the fog to clear.

So my boss is leaving and she's handing over the client that she has been handling for the past three years to me.

Let me repeat.

My boss, of 3 ranks higher than me, with 8 years or so of working experience, is handling her client, of which she has been solely dealing with for 3 years, to me, a fresh graduate who hasn't even passed his probation ... 

It's not that I'm particularly capable or anything. It's just that there's no one else ... 

We'll see, I guess. 

Side tracked

On Saturday morning, I wanted to write a post on how it has been 3 months since I've started working and that I should be trying harder to pick up more stuff.

Before I knew it, I blew through the weekend and now it's Sunday night. The karaoke session was long overdue, but now I need another.

I've been baking every weekend for the past few weeks. 

I've also picked up a new exercise and have been doing it for about a month I believe.

Figuring out the best way to get points using my credit card (for expenditure that I would've otherwise used cash for anyway) is sorta my new hobby too.

Apparently there's gonna be pizza at work tomorrow.

Piss off

NB title says 'piss off' as in the command, not the state of being mad, i.e. 'pissed off'.

So a few days ago my dad invited his friend over for dinner. He then asked me to help him out with some PowerPoint stuff. Sure, I said. What better way to spend my time after work doing something that I do on a day-to-day basis during work? Of course, I didn't felt that way then, but rather in hindsight. I'll get to that in a minute.

I then spent an hour or so fixing his deck (work-jargon for PowerPoint slides), making sure everything was aligned and all the font sizes were the same. He had a few requests here and there, but it wasn't too much of a hassle. Regardless, it still took some time.

Before he left, he exchanged numbers with me because he didn't want to trouble my dad too much if he had to contact me. Uh, sure, okay.

So he went back, and unsurprisingly his desktop couldn't play the videos he embeded on his deck. Well he was the one that wanted the videos to be able to display thumbnails, so it had to be the latest PowerPoint version. He then asked me to go over to his place to check out his computer over the weekend because he insisted that his desktop was running Windows 10 or whatever.

Sigh. Okay.

Saturday came along. I wanted to get a haircut, but since he told me he'd be coming over to pick me up at about 11am, I decided to get it later in the day. It was 11.30am, still no news from him. Dad whatsapped him, no response. Then my dad called, and turns out he was in Klang.

You think I very free is it? Wtf man. Just because you're 37 years older than me, doesn't give you the right to just ignore whatever plans you've made.

About half an hour ago (6 hours after that phone call), he called and asked if I was free tomorrow.

Nope.

Not tomorrow.

Never.