April 3, 2011

Breakfast thoughts (and places?)

My mom brought me out for breakfast this morning. I ate while she went to settle some errands over at the post office (that turns out, wasn't open). While eating, alone, in the crowded coffee shop on a sunny morning, an elderly lady sat down at my table to have her breakfast too. Most older Chinese women in my country have this distinct flowery-patterned button-down shirt and a head that consists of a mixture of white, grey and black strands of hair. I hadn't noticed her face though, being preoccupied with my food.

I imagined looking up and seeing my grandmother's face (I tend to ''imagine'' a lot), but when her food arrived, I looked up and saw just another elderly lady's face. Although she was eating all by herself, she didn't struck me as one of those old people that are neglected by her children; for one, she ordered quite a nice meal with added ingredients and all. She probably enjoyed going to the market every weekend, since a lot of old people do (I assume).

I then continued pondering, what if my grandparents (particularly my grandmothers, since they are the only grandparents that I've actually met) are still alive and kickin'? Since I could drive and all. What would they think about my driving? I could be the one sending them to the market on weekends, while they complained that my driving isn't good enough or I brake too late or I needed to slow down.

I could only wonder.

Now that they had left the 'labyrinth of suffering' (that's a Looking for Alaska reference, by the way), albeit not fast and straight but somewhat less horrible than how most people step into the afterlife.

Question is, how would I leave the labyrinth of suffering? Will the end of the maze be the same for everyone?

Then after breakfast, I walked towards the post office, only to find it closed, and then to the car, to which my mom wasn't there as well. So the option left was to walk through the market, hoping to bump into my mom since her phone was with me and I couldn't call her.

This again, brought back memories of my childhood. I remember trying to keep up with my mom, and not losing my grandmother in the crowd at the same time. Though I would always end up looking for my mother with my grandmother or looking for my grandmother with my mom. It sucked but that routine made it's way into my mind ... so I guess that it was somewhat significant.

My hope of an adventurous exploration came to an end when I saw my mom minutes after walking into the market. I used to remember having a larger crowd ... maybe it was because I was smaller, well, literally.

I realised, that I do not fear walking in unfamiliar places. Even when I started college, having to take public transports to even unfamiliar places, I never had this sense of fear of strangers ... everything seemed like a new experience. But then again, why would I be afraid of mothers and their mother-in-laws?

This has been a very pointless babbling about these thoughts that go through my head. Yeah.

April 1, 2011

Post SPM results thoughts

Well, took me long enough to finally decide to sit down and blog about this.

Before I start, here are my results

Add maths
English (1A for 1119, woohoo~)


Bahasa Melayu
English in Literature

Bahasa Cina

The day before the results was a nightmare. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have worried so much, but we all know that's impossible.

So there was a lot of congratulating, stuff like that, and disappointments too.

I still remember the day before, while I was on my bed, ready for the sleep that was restless, I prayed that whatever the results were, I would be able to accept them.

And true enough, my results weren't tragically horrible, but it ain't exactly the most desirable.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful about the results, but there always was a hope that it would be better than what I had expected.

I felt that the results was really the result of the amount of effort that I had put into my studies: good yet not the best. Though I was a little disappointed for my English Literature paper ... sigh.

But really, there's nothing to regret about.

It is what it is.

Though an extra A would've gotten me another 2 grand, or 2 A's for another 4 grand.

But it's too late for that.

I don't know what my parents think though. Of course they would have hoped for 9A+'s, and my dad says that he is proud of my results ... but I will never know. Honestly, I think they expected better.

I moved on quicker than I had expected.

And before I know it, my SPM results will become irrelevant, as A-levels will soon overshadow it. Would I put more effort? Only time will tell ...