February 23, 2014


Was reading this and felt like adding some commentary to it.

2. I love meeting new people, but only if you approach me first.  
If I have to make the first move, it’ll most likely never happen. I’m silently imagining every possible thing that could go wrong and by the time I work up enough courage to do it, I’ve thoroughly freaked you out by constantly glancing your way and you’ve already sprinted for the door.

It's a miracle that I have friends, really. Come to think of it, I can clearly remember making the first move only because there are a handful of them. It worked too! (well, the recent one that I could recall at least).

3. Small Talk for me is not Small Talk to a normal person. 
I get deep real fast. I genuinely want to know your life story, what makes you happy, and what makes you angry. Don't be surprised if I ask you how you really feel about your parents’ divorce within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. I’m not a gossip; I just genuinely want to connect with you.

Okay, this one is a wee bit exaggerated, but I get it. The fact that small talk is such a task for makes me mad when the other person doesn't even try. So you would rather just sit there quietly without talking? Okay, fine. (Note: said people are normally acquaintances, not random strangers).

4. We have a heightened sense for a fake or insincere personality. 
Our quiet and reserved nature allows us so much time to observe. I see your fake smile and can tell you just lied to that person. I hear you repeat the same exact joke to every single person you run into. I’m onto you, extrovert.

LOL. Okay, I try not to give myself too much credit and give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

9. Networking events = death. 
There is literally nothing I hate more than having to meet new people in an environment specifically created for that purpose. I realize that’s entirely the point of networking events, but I feel so much pressure to make myself sound and look like the most interesting person you’ve ever met. I can only be charming for so long! Pass me a glass of wine and let me mentally prepare myself for this first.

This is probably the reason why I think I'll never make it in the corporate world. Faking it till you make it is just so much work. I've probably had only a handful of socials though ... which isn't that bad sometimes.


February 16, 2014

Of arias and different milestones.

Went to watch Phantom of the Opera on Wednesday. Form 3 me (I'm guessing that was when we read the super abridged version of it) would be pretty satisfied.

It was great. Emotional and powerful and goosebump-inducing. I sat at the very front row, which was ... surprisingly pleasant. Not the best seats in the house, but I guess better than having to use a pair of binoculars. I even took pictures of the chandelier despite being yelled at by the staff repeatedly not to take pictures. To my defense, it was the intermission and I didn't interrupt anyone. Also, if I sat up straight, I could peer down into that ... pit where the orchestra is. (Looked it up, it's called orchestra pit! *pumps fist*)

Didn't like some parts where I couldn't hear what the singers were singing over the music from the orchestra. Wish I knew the lyrics to the songs. Also, I find it hard to pick out words from arias (the part where a female sings in a very high pitch in operas ... at least that's what I think they call them). That's probably just me though.

Hope I get to see Wicked or Les Miserables or anything interesting soon.

* * * 

This autobiography I'm reading seems to be giving me a lot of things to think about. Although being a successful actor is amazing, the journey towards it isn't easy at all. For actors (by that I mean male actors ... a little redundant maybe I just wanted to specify the gender), they normally peak at their late thirties or even later. All the serious roles require a mature actor, most of the time at the age of 40 to 55. That means that most of them are virtually unknown by the public for the entire period of time before that. Okay, maybe not unknown, but just minor roles and not enough to bump them to the A-list. To top it off, some actors may live their entire lives without getting a big break. I guess one should think of actors as people who act, not just the ones that are really famous ... It probably sucks to go to parties and have to answer the what-do-you-do-for-a-living question with "actor".

Everyone else on the other hand chooses the safest route. Work in a company, climb the corporate ladder, be rich or whatever. Oh you're working a bank? Good for you. The opportunities are vast. I don't know why is sickens me. I'm not condemning people who take that path ... I just wish I didn't.

I guess I took the road where the leaves have been trodden black. Not saying I would've gone off to be an actor ... but you get what I mean (there are many less travelled paths). Hopefully when I'm at 40 or 50, when I'm telling my story with a sigh, it would be a sigh of relief and not a sigh of despair arising from the desire of wanting to take the other path back when I was in the yellow wood. I kinda miss English literature classes now :(

It's so hard to fathom the fact that I'm not halfway to the age where people start looking back. There was this bit by Louis CK (I think) about how the media portrayed youth as being so coveted and desirable, when the truth is that maturity and experience that comes with age are the things that matter ultimately. Also, I can't just sit here and wait till I'm 40 to be able to tell my story, I have to actually work towards shaping the person I want to be for FORTY YEARS. Holy crap. How do actors toil through 20 years of just being an actor that wouldn't get noticed on the streets? Watching the musical gave me the same thought as well: how does it feel to be in the industry for decades without a leading role? Will immense passion or love for theatre make it all okay?

All this senseless ramblings aren't helping me at all. In fact, it kinda inhibits me from doing my best in the path that I've chosen/I'm stuck in. Also, I think a lot of my posts for the last year or so have been lingering around the same theme. Either my brain is crying for a change or I'm just way too whiny. Or both. Or just the latter.

February 9, 2014

Random anecdote

I've been reading an autobiography of some actor and found it amazing how he could describe incidents that happened when he was a kid so vividly. Sure, I guess the writing process wouldn't be easy, but it seems like a nice journey through time to be able to revive all the deep-seated memories. Maybe he really does have an ESTB?

Anyway, thought I might give it a go as well, trying to recall some childhood anecdote or something.

When Pokemon first came out, I was obsessed with the TV show. Really obsessed. If I'm not mistaken, it used to air on a local TV channel called NTV7 on weekends. Of course, this was back in the day of dial-ups, and not the era of torrent-everything-with-high-speed-Internet we live in now. Besides, I was way too young to be torrenting stuff anyway. Have you seen the ads on the side of torrent sites?

I remember the paroxysms of glee (my attempt of trying to incorporate new vocabulary into my 'writing', though it may seem more like blatant plagiarism ...) when Pokemon would come on the TV. It was a big deal back then, even though the episodes are short and the commercials between parts are obscenely long. I believe the feeling of how fast time passes is relative to a person's age. A year would feel longer for a 5-year-old child than for a 40-year-old adult (I went from man to man/woman and came to a conclusion of using the non-gender specific term 'adult' ... just thought you should know) since the time in consideration is only a smaller fraction of his or her entire life span up till the present.

That whole bit about time is a little overkill ... but I'll leave it there.

Anyway, I always had this lingering memory of me waiting to watch Pokemon when I went to my uncle's place for the weekend. I wouldn't be allowed to watch Pokemon downstairs since I'm a kid (how discriminatory?) and had to depend on the TV upstairs that functions archaically. Pretty sure we had Astro then, which I believe is what Americans call "cable". The one upstairs, however, still relies on ... the thing that's opposed to cable (can't be arsed to do more research, since this isn't really my autobiography now, is it?).

So I would try my best to be in front of the TV (as if kids have any say in where they could be at a specific time), ignoring the calls for dinner (oh god my vocabulary) which was deemed extremely rude just to watch Pokemon. I always resented how kids that do not attend to the requests of adults immediately were portrayed as kids with bad behaviour. I think we had moral education classes back in primary school where we had to choose the "morally correct" behaviour with questions like "Tim's mom called him to take out the trash when he was playing his Gameboy, what should he do?". Are you sending me to hell because I disobeyed my parents on such a minor issue? Doubt so. Then again, does hell really exist? Then again, moral education didn't mention hell at all, being not religious and all. Do I have ADHD?

Holy crap, look at the amount of digression.

There are days where I went though hell (rushing home, ignoring adults and risk being called disobedient) just to sit in front of the TV, only to realise that the TV channel decide to cancel Pokemon and replace it with something else that kids wouldn't give a damn about. It was utterly devastating. I could still feel how disappointed and angry and miserable I felt back then. It was devastating.

Actually, I think I still feel the same way when Modern Family decides to skip a week or two.

Holy crap, this thought journey made me realise I'm not exactly different from little me. Should I be alarmed?

ps. Frozen was not bad. The Railway Man was amazing.

February 3, 2014

The painful nightmare of being ordinary

It's Sunday night and I was just lying on the bed reading about one of my new 'obsessions'. Always wished I documented all my obsessions over the past. Would be interesting to look back at it.

I always find it interesting to read the "Early Life" section of the Wikipedia page of the people admire. Makes me wonder what life was like for them way before they "made it", or before they were worthy of having a comprehensive Wikipedia page written about them. Makes me wonder what life would be like for me when I reach the peak of it, what my Wikipedia page would be like (assuming everyone has one, not just the famous ones).

I wouldn't say earning big bucks is being successful in life -- although many would say the same, I doubt they actually think that way. Right now, I think I would be satisfied if I were to grow into a person I would admire; someone who is somewhat knowledgeable, interesting, articulate, presentable ...

I guess no one really grows up to be someone with a Wikipedia page, they just do whatever they think they should do and strive to be the best at it, and eventually become who they are now.

Then again, my opinions on this might be a little biased since only famous people have Wikipedia pages. Maybe I subconsciously want to be famous too? Where exactly am I going with this ... ?