April 25, 2015

Opportunity of a lifetime

I am now this close to getting a job in one of the Big 4's in the UK. On Tuesday, I'll be attending the assessment centre, i.e. the 5th stage of the application process, which could either be the penultimate stage or the final stage itself.

The thought of having the next 3 years of my life decided by the outcome of this assessment centre is eating me up. Last Thursday, while procrastinating, I saw a tweet advertising several openings they still had for graduates. I then went on to fill in the application form, do the situational judgment test and the technical assessment. The very next day, I got an email saying that I was through to the 4th stage, the competency-based phone interview.

Already then I was starting to picture the next three years of my life living in a place with four seasons, which I don't really mind, instead of the hot and humid that I've yet to be accustomed to despite spending having spent 20 years toughening my skin up. The desire to get this position then amplified itself by tenfold an hour after the 45-minute phone interview, when I received another email congratulating me on getting through to the next stage.

If only wanting it so bad could somehow be one of the assessed criteria, then I'd have a better chance. I guess that would equate to doing an immense amount of research and proving to them that I really want it.

I've had jobs before. I'd like to believe that I'm competent enough to get this job.

I cannot even imagine how depressed I'll be if I fail to get this.

April 16, 2015

Ending it all

A girl that lived right opposite my friend's room on campus committed suicide recently. Although I've never even seen this girl before, it's still scary to know that someone that's one mutual friend away decided to end her misery in the most extreme way possible.

Apparently she hated law school, and coupled with family issues she decided that she's had enough when spending her Easter break at home. My friend said no one in that flat likes to hang around much now, especially with the flowers in front of her room, her stuff in the kitchen, a constant reminder of the tragic incident.

My friend also told me that one of her closest friends recently had a huge argument with her before they separated to go home for the break. Now he has been seen just sitting there, staring at the door of the room that his friend once occupied.

I can't help but feel slightly affected by all this, even though I've never stepped foot in his flat, or even seen any of the people involved. I cannot possibly imagine being in a state of mind that would warrant such a drastic measure. I cannot imagine the gaping void left behind, like a crack in the seabed that sucks in large amounts of water and violently thrusts it back out.

It's just depressing to know that someone could be so let down by everything that they would even consider suicide.

April 10, 2015

Next steps

It just occurred to me how stark the difference was between a recent interview for a graduate job position and the interview I had last year for my summer internship.

For my previous internship, the three panelists seemed eager to talk to me. It was a great experience for me too because I genuinely cared about what the internship entailed (well, a little) and was able to voice my thoughts on what could be done for the project. I left that interview feeling positive and thought of how sad I would be if I wasn't offered that internship.

For the graduate job position, it wasn't anywhere near. There wasn't much of a connection. I felt as if I wasn't really suited for them and they probably felt the same about me too. I would probably get over the likely rejection pretty quick, or at least I hope I would.

I wonder what would I be doing a few months from now. Don't think my near future has ever had this much uncertainty. For the past 20 years or so, it was pretty much just moving from one stage of education to another. This really is the end of an era. It's exciting and daunting at the same time. I'm not worried, or at least not yet, but it's like the next chapter of a book that I can't wait to start. So much so, I just feel like rushing through the end of this one.

Everyone's ahead of the game, having their post-graduation plans all figured out. Well, good for them. I just want some time to do some soul-searching -- and by that I mean looking into career choices and not sitting on my arse all day -- and hopefully make the right choices.

I guess I've always been an instinctive person, and my instincts are telling me not to rush into things. Wouldn't it be funny if they offered me the job and I took it anyway?

April 9, 2015

Last time?

This time of the year for the past 2 years (and also this year) have been incredibly miserable. With the onslaught of summer exams waiting for me to prepare for, it's utterly depressing. So much so, that I usually end up wasting time just sitting around, doing nothing. It's like a vicious wage-price spiral, the one where inflation causes the people to demand for higher wages, and higher wages push good prices up, leading to more inflation. In this case, the number of accumulated work increases, the lower the motivation to get any work done, and hence more work accumulates. 

Sure, it's easy to brush me off as being whiny and lazy. I agree, I can be incredibly whiny and lazy (especially on my blog), but it just brings me so much disutility to actually get on with my work, especially during this period of the year. During term time, I have no issues putting aside distractions to finish off my assignments or study for my tests, or at least a lot less of a problem. I don't know what is it of the holidays that makes me so reluctant to get things done. Maybe I shouldn't have travelled, and sustained my term-time-mood.

On the bright side, it's the very last time I'll be dealing with this crap. Two months from now, I'll have finished my exams and (hopefully) be doing more research on my first ever solo trip to Italy. What's the next thing in life that would make me utterly miserable? We shall wait and see.

It's so hard to whine to my friends about this without worrying at the back of my head that they are judging me for it. I guess I shouldn't care. I guess I'm just hoping that by writing it out, I could get it out of my system. I guess it also doesn't help that whatever that I have to study is extremely off-putting and unappealing. I guess that's just part of life, doing stuff that you don't want to do.

Another unproductive day went by. I don't have many days left to afford to be unproductive. In fact, I could've said the same thing a week ago and it still would hold true. Doesn't stop me from wasting my days, however. At least I somehow managed to survive the past two years. Let's hope I survive the last. 

April 2, 2015

Back to reality

Just got back from Greece. Upon arrival in Greece, I realised that we were too late to catch the only train of the day that heads to Meteora. On top of that, we couldn't contact another friend of ours that we were suppose to meet. On top of that, I received an email saying that the assignment that I submitted online a week ago was blank. On top of that, I had to reply the recruiter from PwC and attend an assessment right after the trip.

Glad that's all over now.

Well, not really. Now I have two assignments to do and two exams in two-and-a-half weeks to study for.

All I can think of right now is whether or not to plan a solo trip. I guess all I could do is give myself a week or so to sit on it and see whether will the desire to travel alone still be there.

Better get back to my assignment.