December 15, 2015

Rise and shine

"Is it ... morning yet?"

I thought to myself as I stare through the curtains, trying to figure out whether is that the light from the gentle morning sun or the glow of the urban night that doesn't get as dark as it should. All this is happening while my brain slowly starts to boot up.

I turn to my side and switch on the iPad that has slept beside me for several years like an overly attached dog, realising to my dismay that it was only 7am. That meant that I only slept for a mere 4 hours, when there was really no reason in the world for me to sleep so little. I contemplated checking my fitness tracker for the amount of deep sleep that I've had the last night, but I could already conclude that it was insufficient.

The late night once again reminded me how disappointing last night's visit to the book sale was. For a short time I had this sense of overwhelming hope that I could find the book that I've been wanting to have as there were similar books and a vast selection. But that hope slowly diminished as I circled the place again and again, unconvinced that I could be so unlucky.

Anyway, iPad. Notifications. Email. Seems like it has become a recent morning routine, checking for emails. Ah, an update, exactly what I was hoping for.

For a brief moment, my heart sank, thinking a "but we're sorry" would follow the "thank you for applying", but it didn't. Thank god it didn't.

My mind has been preoccupied for the past few days with the prospects of landing this "dream job". The higher than average pay, the late commencement date (allowing me to not start work so soon), the induction overseas, it all seems extremely attractive. I don't even care anymore even if I eventually have to sell my soul, dread waking up every morning and spiral down into a state of depression; all I know is it would be a blessing to be granted that opportunity.

Much like my previous job application process in the UK, and a man who fantasises about life after marriage when he has only been dating for a week, it all seems like a set up to a huge disappointment. The cycle of telling myself that I probably wouldn't get it and subsequently telling myself I need to have the confidence to actually stand a chance just repeats itself ad infinitum.

All the best to me?

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