April 24, 2016

Theory for my source of apprehensiveness and subsequently, misery

I can never be satisfied with a piece of work with the knowledge that there is more I could've done. My cakes are never perfect; I could've baked it a little longer at a lower temperature; the biscuit base could've used a little bit more butter; the icing could've been silkier. It just occurred to me that I'm a perfectionist at heart, not in the sense that I demand things to be perfect, but rather I will never be satisfied when things aren't. 

Oh god, I just realised I'm a perfectionist. And a neurotic one too.
Neurotic perfectionists are prone to strive for unrealistic goals and feel dissatisfied when they cannot reach them. [Source]
I've never wanted to associate myself with being a perfectionist because it sounds extremely narcissistic, but if you consider the negative aspects of perfectionism (via Wikipedia) and think of it as an actual problem and not something healthy nor desirable, then it sounds extremely applicable to me.

Suddenly everything makes sense.

Gah, I'm too tired to delve deep into this. Suddenly the definition of cognitive dissonance resonates with me too.

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