January 10, 2012

The Sudden Urge

Currently lying on my bed, grabbed my phone to blog about this despite having exams on the next day (technically, on the same day).

So last night (once again, technically this morning), I dreamt about the recent grandmum that I just lost. For the past few days, I have been having all sorts of dreams that were disrupting my sleep, better no dreams than sweet dreams really (unless it involves 4D numbers ...). They didn't really made me felt anything ... But this was different.

I saw an image of my grandmum, a really strong and clear image of her, and I started to tear. Then, I woke up. She wasn't doing anything in my dream, just saw her standing there, looking like the years where sicknesses haven't gotten the better of her, gradually draining what was left of her old and fragile self.

Funny for this dream to suddenly appear to me. Chinese use to say one would dream of what normally crosses their minds during the day, but I haven't been thinking about her these days, not to say that I've forgotten about her or anything.

What if she appeared in my dream to bless me during my exams? Then again, how does blessing works? To think that parents will always teach their children to pray for their ancestors' blessings before the altar.

Makes me wonder about the after life. Is it really there? Will I eventually be in a place where all the people that I've lost are there waiting for me? It wouldn't be pretty if Christianity is true because chances are - if all the teachings are true - my grandmum will not be in heaven. Then again, what are the odds of me ending up there.

Wanted to tell my parents about this dream I had ... But I didn't. I didn't want it to just let it drift into my sea of thought, therefore decided to immortalise it in words despite having to sleep ...

Can never forget the day I cried so hard when she passed away ... Probably related to why I am always looking for movies that could make me cry ... Though I have yet to find one ... Then again, it's all fictional.

Whatever it is that my subconscious mind wants me to achieve through this random rambling post ... I hope it works.

ps. Blogging on my phone sucks.


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