January 4, 2014


It has been a long time.

Way too long.

Once again, I'm here, in front of my computer, procrastinating. It's like being stuck in a vicious cycle, like a kid growing up in a poor family, lacking the opportunities to equip themselves with whatever it takes to make it in the society, thrusting them further down into the depths of poverty and hardship ... except there's no cycle here -- it's just me being lazy time after time. I'm surprised I'm still in this course. For some reason, I keep anticipating my impending doom every time a deadline comes up, like in a movie, where this one specific incident changes the main character's entire life ... but nothing really happens. For some reason, I fantasise about failing this exam I'm about to take and end up having to decide whether to repeat an entire year or waste a huge chunk of my father's life savings, disappointing not only my parents but also relatives and teachers that have always considered me one of the smarter ones.

Sometimes, I fantasise being in a plane crash. Well, only sometimes mainly because I don't fly every day. So just the times I'm on the plane ...

Up till now, I don't know what went wrong since I started university. Studying has never been a thing I had to deal with before. I can't tell whether I just hate the course I'm in or I'm just lazy. There's really no point fantasising about joining a culinary school or pursuing something in the direction of writing, as I could be equally lazy in said alternatives. Guess I'm just used to things just ... being understood. Wonder why is it such a huge issue now?

Like someone in a relationship that has been way too long to just give up on, there's just too much sunk cost involved. Gosh, I'm so darn good at analogies tonight eh? Or maybe I just watch too many YouTube videos and movies ...

Anyway, 2014.

21 soon. Very soon. Feel like writing blog posts again. Maybe on Wordpress or something. It's nice to have an outlet for all these bundled up thoughts. It's also nice to write/rant a little.

Been checking out a few of my friend's blogs. No surprise that most of them are as dead as mine, or perhaps, deader.

I hate to be so whiny all the time, but I just really ... am. I wish things were more flexible. I wish there was time allocated to everyone for them to hop from one major to another ... kinda like in the US. I wish I could just accept the way things are like everyone else and just do what they are suppose to do.

So what happened in 2013? (In backwards chronological order, because it's easier)

Stayed over at a local family's place for Christmas, in some countryside place in Wales. Absolutely lovely.
Well, went on a trip with a few of my friends to Prague, Czech Republic and Vienna, Austria. It was fun. Good food, good places, good company, what else could I ask for?
Did an internship in some banking software company for 2 months. Kinda sucked, but nevertheless, good experience I guess. Colleagues (other interns) made it more bearable.
Finish year 1 with a second upper. Good, considering the amount of effort I put into it. Bad, because it isn't first class ...
Anything else before that is just a blur. My memory isn't that good ...

So ... I should be off to write my essay and study for my exam ... which is next Tuesday ... and progress so far isn't looking too good.


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