Just one of those days.

I've been doing this online course about behavioural science and came across this experiment some researchers did. Basically, the point they were trying to prove was that people make up opinions on things on the spot depending on various factors and are rarely consistent (at least that's what I think the main point was). Two groups of people were given adrenaline shots, but only one of groups knew it was an adrenaline shot whereas the other didn't know. When put in a room with someone slightly irritating, those that didn't know they had adrenaline shots felt more agitated than those who knew, with them being less agitated as they justified their feelings from having caused by the effects of adrenaline.

Today, I felt as if I had that adrenaline shot.

I just felt annoyed by the littlest of things today: the two constantly whispering chicks in class right behind me, the guy beside me that kept nudging me while I was trying to concentrate in class, that girl who always raises her hand to answer questions in the seminar when it is entirely unnecessary.

Of course, I told myself to chill.

There is no reason why I should be bothered by all these things, but I am. I wanted to turn around and pour water all over the phone that they were staring at and whispering over the whole time, tell the guy beside me to stop -- some people do not get the hint -- and just answer all the questions in class to steal the spotlight from the girl in that seminar. If only I could control the way my brain works.

If I only I could figure out what makes me tick.

Went for a career advice session a week ago, couldn't answer the advisor at all when he asked what makes me tick. Do people really know what makes them tick? At this point, a career choice just seems to me as some arbitrary decision that you make back when you clearly didn't have the sufficient knowledge to do so. So how am I suppose to make an arbitrary decision that I wouldn't regret? I don't want to be one of those adults that spends 9-5 (or longer) selling their sold to the devil and only seeking joy in the remaining hours of a limited day. If career progression isn't part of the consideration, I'd just do something deemed less glorious.

Okay, back to me being annoyed.

I don't know ... I just don't seem to find interest in anything. One of the main ideas of the online course that I'm doing (titled "The Mind is Flat") is that people often times make decisions based on preconceived thoughts, and there's no rationality behind that. So what if me not being interested in anything arises from the fact that I refuse to give in to my preconceived thoughts? Or that I'm merely telling myself that I'm not interested in anything ... but I don't think it works that way. Okay, well, I really enjoy cooking, baking, watching cooking videos, watching baking videos, but I'm aware that working in a kitchen isn't as glorified as all that, and it involves an entirely different mindset.

Could that stressful, underpaid kitchen job make me tick?

Well, I guess I wouldn't know. I'm worried that people might have the wrong idea I really want to venture into the food industry, although it's really my fault because I constantly bring up that example.  Maybe it's my subconscious mind talking? I had this crazy idea that I would do French culinary for like 10 years or so, head back to Malaysia and make Malaysian cuisine as prestigious as French cuisine. My idea of a great experience would be travelling to different places in Malaysia, learning traditional Malaysian recipes from aunties and makciks, somehow documenting them and making them known world-wide ...

I think I've officially lost it.

I'm graduating pretty soon, and bigger decisions lie ahead of me. Can some prospective employer just come across my blog post and hire me? Please? I actually wouldn't mind being a house-husband :/

-Kritz