New start?

It's 4am, and my alarm is due to go off in 5 hours. Yet, I'm still wide awake, typing this on my iPad while I lie on my bed. Every thing in my head is in shambles, and I constantly make decisions that baffle myself. Something's wrong.

Lack of discipline would be a severe understatement. Wonder when did things start to go wrong. Doesn't matter. I need to get back on track, ASAP. Time's ticking. With nothing to cling on to, it'll be tough, but there are no other options.

One day at a time, Kritz.

Stuff that irks me

I should be doing some reading, but anyway ... 

I get annoyed by stuff all the time, and most of the time I don't voice it out loud because that would be unnecessary. But it's my blog, and almost no one reads it, so it's fine. 

Stuff that irks me #1: 

People who don't know how to summarise things. When I ask "What is a movie about?", I'm expecting something about one or two lines, not a friggin' detailed synopsis of the movie. I don't have that much attention span. I feel bad for being annoyed, and there's really no nice way to tell a person that they are being unnecessarily descriptive, so ... ugh. 

Stuff that irks me #2: 

Certain social media posts. Maybe I should start congregating them and write them into a book ... 

I find it annoying when people post about their personalities. Like, really? What's the point in telling people that you're an extrovert or an introvert? Do you really need half-assed Internet personality test to tell you about yourself -- and then tell the whole world about it? 

Let me look at Facebook for some inspiration ... 

Okay, maybe people who post their vacation pictures one at a time, and several times a day. Not as annoying, but still ... ugh. 

*scrolls*

People who write advices to the masses as if they are some wise person. Get off your high horse dude. I guess the high horse thing applies to a few more situations as well. For instance, posting your berries and yogurt breakfast and encouraging people to eat healthy like yourself, or complaining about the music of your generation and how some old band is so much better, or feeling pretentious as hell for liking stuff like some obscure cheese or a particular type of wine. Sophistication doesn't work that way. How can one be a connoisseur of anything when they barely have any knowledge about it? 

Oh, and hoax posts. I guess it's not that bad because some people just do not know ... but ... ugh. 

Maybe posts about people complaining about game invites. I personally do not play any Facebook games (if you receive any notifications from me, it might be because I send my dad stuff and it somehow 'leaked'). It would probably take less effort to block those apps than to write a status to complain about it.

Okay, a little haphazard, but I want to talk about that movie thing again. You see, I myself have very pretentious views when it comes to movies as well, but I don't go around telling everyone because it's only pretentious when you do that.

Okay, enough ranting for one night. 

-Kritz

Happy new year!

Wow, the holidays went by really fast. It's the first day of term 2 and my mind is still all over the place, partly fueled by wanderlust and partly from thinking of what to cook -- can't seem to get the latter off my mind most of the time.

I'm currently sitting at my desk, all cleared out and spacious, drinking tea from a Whittard mug that I splurged on (it was on sale). Had to retreat from the discussion of some arbitrary topic downstairs. As much as I despise the labelling of a person as an introvert or an extrovert, I have to say that I'm definitely more of an introvert as it really felt too demanding to participate in that conversation. No one seems to be able to be able to notice when it's one of those days for me, though.

Notable things I did over the holidays:

1. Watched a live performance of Les Misérables. Cried ... more than expected. There were 3 scenes that somehow got to me, all spread out throughout the musical. I didn't expect to cry since I already knew what was coming, having already seen the movie adaptation of the musical. Suffice to say, I really enjoyed it.
2. Read a few books: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, Watchmen by Alan Moore, Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse and Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. I wish I could huddle up under my duvet and sink myself into the world of the author but I can't. I can foresee the next few months being the same. I hope the career path I end up in eventually allows me to turn off when I leave work.
3. Spent Christmas in Durham. Every time I go there, all I could think of is how much of a better place it is compared to where I am. It was really how I pictured studying in the UK to be -- cobblestone roads, tea rooms and cafes, shops worth exploring. It also catered to a more recent interest of mine, having fresh markets with butchers and fishmongers within walking distance. Sigh. I really liked the vibe of the Oxfam there, a three-storey secondhand bookshop! Bought Never Let Me Go for £2 that turned out to be a really enthralling read.
4. Spent 2 nights glamping in Peak District. I really liked the idea of staying in the middle of nowhere with a pub right across the road and another really lovely pub located 20 minutes away. The walking trail was really nice too. Wish the weather had been better.

Now I see where the wanderlust came from. Sigh. I'm at this weird position where I'm aware that I have to snap back into term time mode but yet the awareness itself isn't sufficient. At this point, all I want to do is anything but studying. My first class really help heighten that feeling.

Happy ... new year?

-Kritz

Term's over

Relief!

Time to balance my time between playing Persona 4 Golden on my brand new PS Vita, reading Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, selling off stuff I don't need on eBay, planning Easter and Summer trips, looking for a job ...

Had a chat with my personal tutor yesterday. He was surprisingly encouraging for some reason. Said something along the lines of me being a highly talented individual, getting a 2:1 in a highly numerate degree, belonging to an elite group of intelligent individuals that is less than 1% of the entire world's population, saying that I should also be thinking of what I can do for the society rather than just what I want to do for the next 10 years. He also said something about how it helps him sleep at night knowing that what he said could benefit me in terms of doing all that.

Did not expect that. All this time I've been thinking I should've done something less intellectually challenging and become a skilled worker rather than a professional, hah. Not sure why he went so overboard with the reassurance, but it did feel good, and I still feel inferior.

Hope what he says is true (even to a very minor extent)!

-Kritz

Just one of those days.

I've been doing this online course about behavioural science and came across this experiment some researchers did. Basically, the point they were trying to prove was that people make up opinions on things on the spot depending on various factors and are rarely consistent (at least that's what I think the main point was). Two groups of people were given adrenaline shots, but only one of groups knew it was an adrenaline shot whereas the other didn't know. When put in a room with someone slightly irritating, those that didn't know they had adrenaline shots felt more agitated than those who knew, with them being less agitated as they justified their feelings from having caused by the effects of adrenaline.

Today, I felt as if I had that adrenaline shot.

I just felt annoyed by the littlest of things today: the two constantly whispering chicks in class right behind me, the guy beside me that kept nudging me while I was trying to concentrate in class, that girl who always raises her hand to answer questions in the seminar when it is entirely unnecessary.

Of course, I told myself to chill.

There is no reason why I should be bothered by all these things, but I am. I wanted to turn around and pour water all over the phone that they were staring at and whispering over the whole time, tell the guy beside me to stop -- some people do not get the hint -- and just answer all the questions in class to steal the spotlight from the girl in that seminar. If only I could control the way my brain works.

If I only I could figure out what makes me tick.

Went for a career advice session a week ago, couldn't answer the advisor at all when he asked what makes me tick. Do people really know what makes them tick? At this point, a career choice just seems to me as some arbitrary decision that you make back when you clearly didn't have the sufficient knowledge to do so. So how am I suppose to make an arbitrary decision that I wouldn't regret? I don't want to be one of those adults that spends 9-5 (or longer) selling their sold to the devil and only seeking joy in the remaining hours of a limited day. If career progression isn't part of the consideration, I'd just do something deemed less glorious.

Okay, back to me being annoyed.

I don't know ... I just don't seem to find interest in anything. One of the main ideas of the online course that I'm doing (titled "The Mind is Flat") is that people often times make decisions based on preconceived thoughts, and there's no rationality behind that. So what if me not being interested in anything arises from the fact that I refuse to give in to my preconceived thoughts? Or that I'm merely telling myself that I'm not interested in anything ... but I don't think it works that way. Okay, well, I really enjoy cooking, baking, watching cooking videos, watching baking videos, but I'm aware that working in a kitchen isn't as glorified as all that, and it involves an entirely different mindset.

Could that stressful, underpaid kitchen job make me tick?

Well, I guess I wouldn't know. I'm worried that people might have the wrong idea I really want to venture into the food industry, although it's really my fault because I constantly bring up that example.  Maybe it's my subconscious mind talking? I had this crazy idea that I would do French culinary for like 10 years or so, head back to Malaysia and make Malaysian cuisine as prestigious as French cuisine. My idea of a great experience would be travelling to different places in Malaysia, learning traditional Malaysian recipes from aunties and makciks, somehow documenting them and making them known world-wide ...

I think I've officially lost it.

I'm graduating pretty soon, and bigger decisions lie ahead of me. Can some prospective employer just come across my blog post and hire me? Please? I actually wouldn't mind being a house-husband :/

-Kritz

Father-son Relationships

I'm really grateful of how supportive my dad is. In the midst of my quarter-life crisis, my dad has not once reprimanded me for being so whiny. While I'm half excited and half afraid to be part of the workforce, he's always there reassuring me that it's just the norm of things and to take it one step at a time. It's really daunting for me as I'm pretty much clueless right now in terms of a career path. I'm also give the choice to further my studies, but that doesn't make my decisions any easier to make.

Okay, let me break it down.

Working in the UK? Big companies are way too competitive, but smaller ones might not sponsor non-EU workers. But if I don't try, then I wouldn't be able to reap the benefit of getting some work experience here before heading back, which seems like a waste of opportunity.

Well, everything's moot if I can't get employed in the first place ...

Further studies. Awesome, no need to work yet. But it ain't cheap, and it will definitely be a burden on my parents. And what if I end up not enjoying that extra year of studies, wouldn't that be a waste of money? Also, if it doesn't contribute at all to my employability, then what the hell is it for?

That aside, I have to talk about the main thing I wanted to say, which is I really enjoy talking to my dad. I really enjoy Skyping him and WhatsApping him! It's not so much me complaining about my problems, but he talks to me about his life too, which makes it special. I really like that.

At this point in time, I really just want to spend more time with my parents. I want to bring them around, experience new things with them before it's too late and all. Hope some entity out there that controls the universe would consider granting me the opportunity, or at least not rob it from me.

-Kritz

600th post :O

Been keeping myself occupied lately, staying on campus and studying instead of chilling at home. Half way through today (Saturday), I was all "I guess I won't be getting any work done today ..." and went on a full blast chill-out mood. Feels so good, except for the fact that the lingering guilt is somewhere at the back of my head.

I should stay at home less. But I guess taking one day off isn't too bad?

Made a pretty complete meal last Saturday. Here's how it went:

Went out to Tesco to collect the groceries that I ordered online at 8 in the morning. Convenient, eh?

Made individual no-bake cheesecakes in the morning, then went out with one of my housemates on a walk in the wilderness. Didn't expect it to last for 3 hours.

It was pretty cool.

Went back, started cooking around 3 in the afternoon as I wanted everything to be done by 7. Invited 2 guests over to help finish off the food.

Pork shoulder :D

Look how cute it is. The crackling was conveniently scored, which was great. In hindsight, probably shouldn't have removed the butcher strings because the top part wasn't even connected to the bottom, but how would I have known that anyway?

End product.

Just simple roast potatoes, parboiled beforehand. Didn't turn out as crispy as I wanted it to, maybe too much oil.

Surprisingly managed to keep everything warm! Everything was pretty much done by 7, which I was pretty pleased about. Guests were late, though.

The big reveal! Roasted Brussels sprouts and made Yorkshire puddings from scratch (yes, batter and all). Never tried Brussels sprouts before, but I fell in love that night.

This makes the chef happy :D

And for dessert:

If only I had a sprig of mint. Made the blueberry compote from scratch too (not that it was hard or anything, just sounds more impressive).

Made 8 of these, fed neighbours too. They seemed to love it a lot. Added too much butter in the biscuit base :/

That was fun. Think the meal came up to about less than £24.

-Kritz