Facing/escaping reality

How do you fix something when the tools you have to fix that thing is broken in the first place? Or that the only thing you can use to fix is the thing itself? How are things gonna get better if nothing's being fixed ... ?

26th

Just realised the past 3 months' posts are all written on the 26th.

Gotta remind myself to focus on more important things ... despite the fact that what's important is really just a social construct. Gotta strike that balance somewhere. Gotta have a clearer vision of what I want to achieve instead of having too much fun.

Fixed layout

Well, rather minimalistic now.

Putting together Ikea products is like Lego for adults. Hit me up if you need someone to assemble some Ikea furniture ...

Oh shit

My layout needs fixing :/

Why bother?

Wanted to write about uninspiring thoughts again but decided against that.

I think I've been to karaokes for 6 out of the past 8 weeks, lol.

Anyway, my new obsession is sodagreen (蘇打綠).

If anyone could teach me how to sing with vibrato (抖音), that would be great.

Stuff I do in my free time

Guess this post would be rather relevant to my tacky blog name, lol.

I cook, though not very often. I recently made carbonara with guanciale and no cream, just eggs. Good for you if you know why I specifically mentioned that.

I bake, slightly more often than I cook. I'm not a super huge fan of sweet desserts but making them is quite fun. Feels great too when people say how awesome your cakes taste!

I solve Rubik's cubes. Nothing particularly impressive for a pro but rather impressive to someone who has never bothered figuring out how to solve one. I'd say my average speed right now would be 40 seconds. Haven't bothered improving for years.

I play minesweeper. That's just something I do to keep my hands occupied when I'm listening to something on my computer. Not particularly hard once you get the hang of it, but people who don't know the rules are often quite impressed?

I play video games, though I haven't touched one since ... before I started working. I binge games like nobody's business, hence I haven't had the opportunity to play then. Final Fantasy X is still my favourite. Tomb Raider 2013 was one of the most fun games I've played recently.

I'm rather choosy when it comes to films. Wouldn't call myself a film buff, but I'm definitely in the higher percentile in terms of number of IMDb top 250 movies watched. Slightly higher.

I'm choosy with TV shows too. Better Call Saul is the only thing I'm currently following. Used to love Friends but I think The Office (US) has taken the top spot for favourite sitcom.

I'm choosy with books too since I don't read that much. I'd either read something from a "top 100 fiction of all time" list or something from my favourite contemporary novelists like Khaled Hosseini or Kazuo Ishiguro. Darren Shan's vampire saga is the Harry Potter of my childhood.

I listen to podcasts on my way to work. Makes you feel like you're utilising your commute time but you're probably not, heh.

I frequent karaokes. I sing stuff from Jacky Cheung to Ed Sheeran. One of my favourite past times, maybe, heh.

I play Stepmania (DDR) on a dance mat. Been playing for months now. It's my only form of exercise, really, but it makes me sweat buckets.

I guess I play a lot of Pokemon GO too, lol. Level 35 and still going strong (sort of).

What else should I do?

Updates:

I've been doing French on Duolingo. Completed everything and now on my 389. Can't construct sentence, but I can recognise some words, heh. Waste of time? Probably.

I write reviews on TripAdvisor too.

Acquaintances

Bumped into an acquaintance after watching Get Out (great movie btw), but I don't think he could recognise me, unless he diligently follows my not-so-active Facebook. Didn't bother going up to say hi to him too, since we weren't that close anyway. Going through all the 'oh you look so different' gets old pretty quick too.

Back home, I looked him up on Facebook (we were already friends). To my surprise, he seems to have removed his religious belief from his profile. We used to attend church together and he was one of the more gung-ho ones. I don't think any fairly religious Christians that are active on Facebook will miss the opportunity to declare their faith. 

Interesting how much you can gather from social media profiles. Feels kinda invasive, but then again they decided to post everything and no one has to know how much I can dig ... 

A Year in Review

Well, not exactly a year, but since today was sort of a ... turning point, I guess there's no better time to do this.

So I've been working for almost a year now. Today, my bosses came over and announced our bonuses, among other stuff. It wasn't a huge amount or anything, but it was definitely on the positive side. People like me (read: low self-esteem) thrive on positive feedback.

Despite feeling inadequate, I guess it's reassuring to know that I've performed well in the eyes of my bosses. I have to keep reminding myself that no one's out there telling me lies to boost my self-esteem, especially since money is involved. It's probably good too since I know that there's a tonne of room to improve.

Did I also mention I leveraged on something to increase my current ... circumstance? That's good news too. Then again, more pressure to prove that I'm worth my compensation.

Well, all in all, not too bad. Let's hope things are better in the next review.

Pros and cons

Pros of staying:

• Potential good leadership
• Rather relaxed work environment (to a certain extent?)
• Less change, less adapting
• Great exposure, working on something that was previously done by a lead consultant

Cons of staying:

• Misery
• Not enjoying what I'm doing
• Not exactly where I see myself growing towards in the future
• Lack the perspective 

Pros of leaving:

• Exciting new opportunity
• Testing out the waters of something I would potentially enjoy doing
• Experiencing a different work environment

Cons of leaving:

• Might be too much for me
• Could also be a step down from what I'm doing
• Rather 'on-my-own' at the end of the day
• Growth uncertainty

... work in progress 

Feeling like a kid again

Remember how when you were 7, you'd look up to the 12-year-old kids in school, wishing you'd be as cool as them? They seem to know so much more, exuding confidence from having spent years at school. Then you'd get to be them for a short time, and the cycle repeats itself when you arrive at secondary school. 

At least that cycle was 5-6 years. The new one lasts for decades. 

Talking about work with peers and talking about work with older colleagues have been vastly different experiences for me. Can't shake the feeling that I'm extremely infantile when compared to people that have been working for several years. I just need to accept the fact that it's really not a fair comparison and try to steer things for myself towards the right direction.

Time to regain control again.

24

I'm not gonna lie, it feels kinda nice to have people you care about, care about you.

It's a nice excuse for friends that have drifted away to pop by and say hi;
It's a nice opportunity to score some free meals off your friends;
It's a nice reminder that I've lived through 2 cycles of my Chinese zodiac;

Still fairly young, I'd say. Everything's not too bad, although I may whine and complain a lot. Let's hope exciting times are ahead, waiting for me.