October 20, 2008

I feel like killin' myself.

The I'm-worried-that-I-might-not-get-straight-A's feel is coming back again.


Today, school was boring.
So many talks about our future.
Since form 4 is our turning point,
I guess it was necessary.
But I seriously don't know what I want in my future.

The worse thing was spending the whole 1st talk on the floor.
My sad, sad backbone and legs.

I'm just so afraid and worried that I might not get straight A's.
Just the thought of it can bring my mood from the top of Everest to the pits of hell.
I should have faith.
Have faith.

And why do I dislike this ... whole environment so much?
Going out with friends doesn't seem fun any more.
It's more like just a thing to do and kill time.
The main point of going out is to watch movies and eat good food.
Other than that I don't see how fun can outings be when everyone is in such a bad mood.

I guess if a bunch of us go to some nearby mamak stall,
The whole environment would be more fun and relaxed.

Having said that,
I don't understand why my friends love to go in big groups.
Look at it this way,
More people - more demands.
Less people - less demands.

Isn't it so much better?
So much more easier to please every single person?
What for going to a place where some don't want to eat this,
Some don't want to play that,
And all getting angry at each other.
I don't see the bad thing about splitting if the group is too big,
And I don't wish to force others to do what they don't like to.

Unless of course,
You just want to let them experience something new,
But forcing and introducing has a thick wall in between,
There are differences.

Oh ya,
And there's those who make a big fuss when they're not invited.
It's exactly like when we were in Primary 6,
Those kids were making noise just because another person didn't write his or her name in their 'best friends' section of their profile.
Just get on with it and organise your own outing if you wish to.

I don't mind someone telling me not to go after being notified.
That way,
I wouldn't have to be a bad person,
And others wouldn't have to curse behind my back.

I really admire those who have a small group of close friends that are tolerating.

Saying all these doesn't mean I hate my friends,
Yes, I do appreciate them,
But at times,
I just wish ...
Never mind.
Life's never the way you want it.


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